Albany Law School – Who Weeps For the Faculty?

Things are getting shittier and shittier for Albany Law School. They are recovering from a lawsuit filed by disgruntled graduates. While ALS’s bullshit defense (blaming the economy, the ABA and their foolish students. Basically everyone but themselves) ultimately prevailed in court, the story that unfolded exposed this school for the diploma mill it is. Now that the lemmings are wising up about the law school scam, they are being more aggressive when it comes to obtaining tuition discounts or choosing to walk away from a lifetime of debt servitude.

President and Dean Penelope Andrews has announced that due to “voluntary” smaller enrollments and financial exigency, costs must be trimmed. This means taking the painful step of laying off tenured faculty who have served with distinction.

We shouldn’t feel too bad for the tenured law professors whose jobs will be cut. After all, they have elite degrees, have studied the law backwards and forwards, wrote very useful law review articles on everything from gay animal rights to open road narratives of traffic stops, and have kept in touch with the top graduates who have made it to elite law firms. They have also flown to conferences nationwide networking with other professors, lawyers and judges. They talk about the nuances of property law while drinking expensive wine at the most luxurious hotels all with our tuition money. So with these accomplishments and connections, tenured professors should have great exit options, right?

Apparently not. The butthurt lawprofs at Albany Law School recently formed a chapter of the AAUP who have the gall to claim that the school is not facing a financial exigency. Their TL;DR arguments are as follows:

  • ALS has consistently maintained a profit up to 2012. Note that 2013 is not shown yet.
  • Assuming ALS is operating at a loss, they have a substantial reserve account that can be used to offset the loss until the economy improves. lol
  • Assuming ALS is operating at a loss and the reserve account will not adequately cover the expenses in time, the school should first lay off staff, renegotiate contracts, and reduce the deans’ salaries administrative costs. 
  • Admit more students that are on the waiting list. Shoot, while we’re at it, admit more students altogether. You know, for “access to justice”, diversity and shit.

Now if Albany Law School has supposedly been operating at a profit until 2012, despite declining enrollment (and assuming more desperate tuition discounts), then why is Albany Law School’s administration calling for a financial exigency and faculty layoffs? Also, why is Standard and Poor’s downgrading Albany Law School’s credit rating? Does this mean someone committed Enron-level accounting fraud on the school’s IRS Form 990? If that’s so, then someone should make a phone call to the IRS’s tax-exempt division and request an audit. I hear that the tax exempt division has been taking lot of shit lately from Congress and the Tea Party and they could use some favorable publicity.

What about tapping the reserve account for a rainy day? Oh please, this is the perfect fucking storm. If the declining enrollment trend continues and costs remain the same or are modestly reduced, the reserve will only last for a few years at most. Fuck it – use the reserve account to give the dead wood a “take it or leave it and STFU” buyout package. Or use it to pay defense lawyers for the inevitable scorched earth frivolous lawsuit which will ultimately fail but will be a pain in the ass for all.

What about laying off administrative staff and untenured faculty? Yeah, that will solve everything. Lay off the janitor, the bookstore clerk and the adjunct legal writing professor. Chances are all three are receiving not much more than minimum wage so this won’t have much effect on the school’s bottom line. And who will replace them? Is the tort professor going to double as the handyman to minimize the chance of negligence lawsuits? Will the tax professor replace the school’s CPA?

What about admitting more lemmings with no tuition discounts? Lower admission standards in order to improve racial diversity. The law school needs to hear the unique views of 1.0 GPA students with criminal records and bi-polar disorders. Admit them now before the federal government cuts off the student loan gold rush! Dean Andrews has a problem with this and has announced that admissions standards will not be lowered. Now before the lawprofs start calling her racist and sexist, you may want to take a good look at her profile. Yeah, that tired-ass racism charge is starting to look stupid, isn’t it?  

As you can tell, I don’t give a fuck about the faculty hanging by a thread. Headhunters should be flooding their personal email accounts with multiple job offers. Otherwise, they haven’t worked hard and networked enough and deserve to have their ass thrown out into the street joining their graduates at the soup kitchen. Business prudence will always rule over academic freedom and if you don’t like it, find some benefactor who will pay your damn salary. I am wondering who were the colossal dumbasses that decided to turn this into a public laughingstock? They could have downsized quietly or accepted across the board salary cuts for everyone’s long term benefit. But no, the faculty have to whine and complain like entitled children. You idiots really look employable now, don’t you?

I hope that those who are twitting #albanylawschool will be watching the developments closely and demand full tuition scholarships before signing the line that is dotted. Otherwise, it is too risky to attend a school that may go belly up before they graduate. Don’t think for a second that Cornell, Columbia or NYU will accept you as transfer students out of pity should this happen.


2 thoughts on “Albany Law School – Who Weeps For the Faculty?

  1. Nando

    This was a brilliant take on the developments at TTT Albany Law Sewer. Thanks for helping spread the message to mindless lemmings and the general public.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s